ChuxxBlog

Eight in the Can!

2010-08-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

Hey ChuxxFans!

Your boys spent parts of four days in the studio this weekend, and spent parts of those sessions actually working on the new release, Mustardy. Many thanks to Schwa, Yllopa, and fam for hosting the affair.

When all was said and done, Senior Vice President of the ChuxxGroup Auditing Department, thos. e., declared eight (8) tunes "in the can." This leaves the entire group feeling relaxed and refreshed, and ready for future artistic discharge.

If you can't wait, you can hear some Chuxx classic tracks on the MySpaces.

Here is a redacted copy of the report:

MUSTARDY …so far

1) Mustardy Fanfare — DONE
2) With Drunk Astronauts — DONE
3) The Tourist Halts — DONE
4) Belly Dancing Superstars — DONE
5) Shower Power — DONE
6) Her Grandfather, The Robert Frost of Korea — DONE
7) Cheese Jesus — DONE
8) The Ol’ Dry Rub — DONE

Three or four more DONE's should bring the project home.

Yesterday ChuxxCo's Publicity Division brought in famed Kansas City Television celebrity Joel Nichols to observe the creative process. If Mr. Nichols' reaction to our live recording of Her Grandfather: The Robert Frost of Korea is any indicator, then Your Pals made quite an impression. We can't wait to see his final cut, which may be available for public consumption as soon as Wednesday or next week.

We also discussed album design, and marketing strategies that may well exploit these new Interwebs that everybody is talking about these days.

I can't remember everything that everybody said, but maybe The Fellows will chime in with comments.

In the nature of shameless cross-promotion, you might remember that Foz the Hook brings many ChuxxSongs to life, along with other Foz-Centric grown-up entertainments in the city of Chicago. Foz the Hook plays a residency every Wednesday night (including this Wednesday, August 11) at Cole's Bar Comedy Open Mic. Cole's is located the in Logan Square neighborhood of Chi, and is the regular hangout of !Ladies!.

Keep up with Foz the Hook at FozBlog!

Stay tuned for the comments will flood in.

Your Pal,

Foz

Dumbly in my Ringside Seat

2010-08-08T13:22:00.000-07:00

Hold on, we're re-recording the lead vocals to Her Grandfather, The Robert Frost of Korea. Ole thos e is in the recording booth right now.

It's hot in there, but not as hot as the jams thos e is recording.

Oh my, Grandma! So sexy.

We can watch him in The Box thanks to Skype.

So far the boys have finished the following tracks from the forthcoming - much anticipated - release Mustardy are complete:

With Drunk Astronauts
Belly Dancing Superstars
Shower Power
The Tourist Halts
and then this one thos e is singing now.

We were greatly honored today to have two great old hands sit in on the session. Buster "Geemail" Koots, and Old Cornbun (you know who) joined us the last two days to add some background vocals and Theremin.

More later, me peeps,

FOZ

This Is MotorBotox

2010-02-22T23:21:00.000-08:00

It's the song Thos E and Foz came up with while Foz was rare-booking it in Hollywood. It began with a few lines of lyrics by Foz, to which Thos added a drumbeat, to which Foz added a bass line, to which Thos added a piano line.

This process was reversed for the bridge, where Thos contributed the lyrics and bass line and Foz added the piano.

We'll try to post the MP3 shortly. But until then, please enjoy the lyrics.

MOTORBOTOX
music & lyrics by Thos E & Foz the Hook
Mona Gload moans
Feels like an old crone
Already cut to the bone

Where's a needle when a girl needs it?
Where's a needle when a girl needs it?
Nothing more that a lady can do
Now that's she's 22

Ride (Mo Motor Bo Bo Motor Botox)
Ride (Mo Motor Bo Bo Motor Botox)
Across the waves
Against the sun
To turn back the tide

She treasures a photograph of herself in a distant land
(She's off in her distant land)
She drinks from a coconut and her toes are in the sand
(Her toes are in the sand)
If she had her way, this is where she'd stay
Back where her caramel skin was always on display

Ride (Mo Motor Bo Bo Motor Botox)
Ride (Mo Motor Bo Bo Motor Botox)
Across the waves
Against the sun
To turn back the tide

Mona Gload moans
Already cut to the bone
Feels like an old crone

Where's a needle when a girl needs it?
(Motor Botox)
Where's a needle when a girl needs it?
(Motor Botox)
Nothing more that a lady can do
(Already cut!)
Now that's she's 22

Do it In the Nude*

2010-02-10T14:30:00.000-08:00

This is cross-posted from FozBlog.

Historians and music anthropologists agree that the greatest single session in the history of recording was the 1985 date in Leawood, Kansas that resulted in Bobby and the Chuxx recording Trouble at the Circus, Theme of the Guys From France, and Manhood is a Soup for the Back of a Man's Head album. The new FtH set opener, Keep Your Nose Clean, is also from that magnificent collection.

In honor of that occasion Foz the Hook has prepared Theme of the Guys From France for live performance, and will debut it tonight at Cole's Comedy Open Mic. This is the first time, so far as can be ascertained with available technology, that Theme of the Guys From France has been performed in Chicago, or outside of Leawood, Kansas. The show starts at 9:00, so if you like blogging or going to blogs, join us at Cole's just in time.

*Nine out of ten archeologists agree that this phrase is the only remaining evidence of the song Remember My Gas from the Chuxx debut album, Live at the Graveyard. Nine out of ten ethicists agree that this is a good thing for humankind.

Chuxx a-LIVE!

2009-08-28T18:19:00.000-07:00

Foz will be playing a set of Bobby and the Chuxx songs on Monday night, August 31, at 9:00, at Cole's Bar, 2338 W. Milwaukee in Chicago. The set will feature olde, newe, funny, and stupid songs. All sung in your favorite fashion, because you love music! Right?

If you live in Chicago, come on out. If not, move to Chicago, and come on out.

Skap

Chuxx Mentioned In Press Release

2009-07-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

Hey, y'all, we were mentioned in this press release for our pals at Rotting Snout Studios. We have recorded all of our albums there since 2001.

PRAIRIE VILLAGE, KS - Rotting Mouse Studios is proud to announce new upgrades to our facilities in Prairie Village, KS. Improvements include newly-functional microphones and a newly constructed separate recording booth.

Thanks to some sleuthing at Interstate Batteries, we now have the use of three Nakamichi CM-300 microphones and a Sennheiser MD 441-U. The former is great for capturing acoustic instruments like guitars and uke, the latter for vocals and horns.

The microphones will sound great in the new Potter's Booth, so named for its location under the stairs and lock on the outside. It features room for two musicians (three if one of them is wee), gear, and cable runs for microphones and headphones. The new headphone mixer will deliver custom mixes to the headphones, along with talkback capabilities. A webcam in the booth will allow for broadcasting live video and capturing the crazy antics of the musicians.

Bring your recording business to Rotting Mouse Studios or we'll leave a real rotting mouse on your doorstep (just kidding)!

Rotting Mouse Studios, LLC is located in Prairie Village, KS. Frequented by the talent represented on the Chubb Records Recording Label, artists who record at Rotting Mouse Studios include: Glen and the Fin Merchants, the Perry Blather Conspiracy, Bobby & the Chuxx, Gary O'Nemo, Tulip Craze, SlobberFly, Pie Trajectory, Tongueprint, Voltaire & Swift, and Col. K & the Hit Squad.

Copyright 2009 Rotting Mouse Studios, LLC

Congrats, Rotting Mouse! Can't wait to get back in and do some more work on our latest album, MUSTARDY! Those working microphones are going to come in handy!

Cheese Jesus

2009-05-23T05:45:00.001-07:00

Once again, the Chuxx get timely.
http://bit.ly/195gKw

Of Astronauts, Tourists & Cheese

2009-01-31T12:14:00.000-08:00

While I sat on my veranda in Los Angeles having starlets peel me grapes, the three other Chuxx gathered in Steve's Basement (the official Chuxx recording location) to lay down some more Mustardy tracks.

The gents worked on two songs Skap and I collaborated on, in that I wrote lyrics that he then put to music. Which I guess makes me Bernie Taupin and him Elton John. That's probably a fair comparison. The two songs in question are "With Drunk Astronauts" and "The Tourist Halts." The former a meditation on the historically documented drinking habits of our space heroes; the latter a little ditty about ugly Americans abroad. The other track they worked on was "Cheese Jesus".

Mostly what the gents did on this day was adding some guitar and keyboard to the existing tracks, although they did fill out "Astronauts" with lots of vocals, including a hilariously operatic track from Polly.

Now, it's up to me to add to the tracks from my home in Los Angeles. I guess that means I'll have to finally install that recording software I've had sitting in my office for the last three months.

I suppose Steve or Skap or someone will have something to add to this account, provided they get off their duffs and actually post on our blog.

A Headline Ripped from the Archives of Bobby and the Chuxx

2008-10-21T06:24:00.001-07:00

The AP reports that police nabbed a man with frozen shrimp in his pants. I know. Times are tough. Perhaps the fellow was just trying to feed his family and friends at an olde fashioned shrimp boil.

The incident fits perfectly with one of the earliest hits of Bobby and the Chuxx ever recorded. The song was "Don't Hit Me, I'm Full of Shrimp" from the early 1990s. (Free download!)

The title came from the side of a seafood truck Jon Niccum and I saw on I-435. Apparently people kept ramming into their trucks before they painted this on their vehicles. I can hear the safety manager speaking at an "All-Hands" meeting.

"Okay people, listen up. Accidents are up in the workplace here at Luverne's Seafood Delites. Last month alone we had three injured backs, a slipped disc, and one split skull. Most of these came on the loading dock, where shrimp sometimes fall out of their containers and make for a dangerous footing. But there's a bright spot. Highway fatalities are down 8%, thanks to Jenkins's idea of putting that clever saying on the side of our panel trucks. Way to go, Jenkins. You get one more personal day next month. Now be careful out there!"

Hat tip: Rick Tamblyn

Behind the Scenes

2008-08-18T13:36:00.000-07:00

One of the draws of a blog like this (this blog has draws?) is getting a behind-the-scenes look at what a band does. You've seen the posts describing how we write songs, and what we're recording.

But what about promotion? The Chuxx are on myspace, facebook (somewhere), and Last.fm. I have just added us to iLike, which is a facebook add on, but also a site in its own right. You can make your self a fan of Bobby and the Chuxx, and then I get notifications in aggregate form. For instance, here is our first graph of statistics:

So indicate you iLike us and become a fan on myspace. We clearly need some numbers.

The Revare Family Ghostly Children Screamers

2008-08-09T08:11:00.000-07:00

Today Jon and I got together to record some vocals, clean up the drums, add even more guitar parts (which now number 6), and do some rough mixing of "Shower Power." Jon's daughter, an avid Chuxx fan, always said she wanted to appear on a Chuxx song. When the time came, she proved too shy. My children, however, sang, "Water water everywhere, to cover up your STINK." They sang it so intensely it sounds a little like they are angry. It was because of their performance that Skap named them "The Revare Family Ghostly Children Screamers."

Shower Sessions, Day 2

2008-07-22T13:25:00.000-07:00

Today, Jon went back to work and Skap and I continued working. We first recorded some vocals for "Shower Power!' The idea is to have a group of people (including children) singing on this song. Skap's part was a character voice, the main adult voice singing the song. He did some excellent verbal gymnastics with the meter. This one will be funny-haha.

We also began work on "The Tourist Halts." Skap did some fancy acoustic geetar strummin' and piano playing. He also sang a scratch tracks. This song has some great lyrics.

Skap broke out the Uke for a "Ole Dry Rub". We used a pickup to get the right sound for the ukelele, but we also used live mics pointed right at it. It sounds great. He laid down keyboards and a scratch vocal track. Drums are nothing but a click track at this point. The idea of the song is to make it sound like a cheap burlesque band. I think we can pull that off.

Shower Power!

2008-07-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

Skap was in town for our 25th High School Reunion, so he stopped by today. Jon took the day off of work and he came by as well. We began work on Shower Power, recording the scratch guitar track, some keyboard tracks, and horn tracks. These are virtual horns, though there's chatter out there about using some real horns. We will see.

It is turning out very nicely and we hope to have a demo for people to listen to really soon.

Power Up!

2008-07-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

Today the Chuxx (or rather 75% of the band) will gather to record. The new album is taking shape, and promises to be even stupider than we could have wished.

Today's goal: Shower Power!

There will also be a session tomorrow, so scrub your junk, and get ready for some hygiene!

Shower Power!

2008-07-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

I got this idea for a song that I envisioned as being from a series of “hip” commercial spots that ran during the “ABC After School Special” aimed at promoting teen cleanliness in the 1970s.

Musically, I took inspiration from this British band called The Go! Team, and in particular this tune: http://youtube.com/watch?v=p_LoSqyNmeo

Overmodulated drums and horn parts. Teen chanting. Very bombastic and aggressive.

So I ran the idea by Steve, and we concocted these lyrics. (The music is composed as well.):

Shower Power!
By Bobby Wendalo and Schwa

Shower power
Shower power
Everybody in the shower. Right now!

So you've spent a hot day with friends at the arcade
And you've biked to the dime store for a lemonade
Then you wrestled that kid who's in the seventh grade
You're probably sweaty
Don't try to figh it

You reapplied deodorant by spraying 'neath your shirt
Washed your face with Phisoderm to get off all the dirt
Tried Dad's Aqua Velva, applied in one long squirt
Still you don't smell ready
You need to right it

You've graduated from a bath
Get on the adult path

Shower power
Shower power
Everybody in the shower. Let's go!

Put on your birthday suit and step under the spout
Grab a bar of Lifebuoy and rip that sucker out
Lather up your goodies without a whine or pout

You've graduated from a bath
Don't suffer your parents' wrath

Shower power
Shower power
Everybody in the shower. On the count of three!

Water, water everywhere to cover up your stink.

Shower power
You're an adult now, kid
Shower power
Wet is cool
Shower power
etc.

Googling Chuxx

2008-07-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

Sure, I have a job and all. But it is still important to spend quality time Googling "Chuxx."

I was saddened to find that the German band ChuxX appears to have taken down there MySpace page. Did they go out of biz? Who knows?

Also, in case any of our fans was hoping to get chuxx@yahoo.com for their e-maiul address, it is taken.

But in the spirit of international cooperation among Bobby and the Chuxx fans, can anyone help Engr.Chibuzo find out who the current senators from Akwa Ibon state are?

Here is the request in full.

Author: Engr.Chibuzo Email: chuxx@yahoo.com Date: 8/20/2007 Comment: can you give me the names of the current 2007 Senators from Akwa Ibom state.

Someone Should Write It

2008-06-24T00:04:00.001-07:00

It might be me, but then again, it might not be.

That is: a new song called, "Secret Bra."

Update on "(Catch) The Spirit (of 17)"

2008-05-20T17:09:00.000-07:00

This song was conceived as part of "What You're Watching," a sketch comedy show we put together back in 2000. There are a couple of funny promotional parodies on there for a fictional station, KSUP, Super17. My idea was to parody those silly songs TV stations used to do with the anchors walking around town and pretending that they hang out with each other all the time. I envisioned a male voice doing the vocals, kind of like the guy who does those Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" commercials. Soon after I wrote the lyrics (here's an earlier post on the song), I found out my friend Richard Malmos was coming to town for his bi-annual float trip. He's a big-time L.A. voiceover guy. While he is away from L.A., he still does his sessions in a studio and they patch him through to his stations with a fancy phone line.

So I sent him the a scratch version of the song with sample vocals (a hilarious performance by Skap). So Rick has his daily session down at Wheeler Audio, a really nice post-production audio facility here in the Crossroads district of Kansas City.

So I go down there, and Janet Jameson is engineering the session. Janet is a very talented engineer and musician, so it was quite an honor to have her helping us out. Rick finished up his session (there was a lot of "Tomorrow night at 8!" type of a thing, and some fun movie stuff) and then he went in the booth and we got going.

The performance is absolutely hilarious. As he's doing his thing, Janet says, "He's channeling Neil Diamond!"

It turned out funnier than I imagined. Rick did an outstanding job and I'm anxious to get the rest of the music done.

Postscript: Skap and I had tossed around some ideas for what the vocalist should do at the end of the song, and we came up with some riffs on "he's infected, we're infected, she's infected." It has a couple of meanings, mainly that the song itself is obnoxiously infectious. And it really gives the song an ominous tone when you say something like "Now YOU'RE infected, baby!"

On This Day, A Cheese Jesus Is Born

2008-05-19T19:34:00.000-07:00

Steve and I got together today to record the basic tracks for "Cheese Jesus", another song that had its genesis on the emails. A quick recap here:

April 23: Steve sends me a 5-point email, the fifth point of which is just the phrase, "I like cheese." It is a reference to an odd sketch we once shot for our cable access comedy show, in which a weird old man (played by Skap, if memory serves) bugs a nice gentleman (played by our friend Stu) in a train station (I think) by simply asking him, "You like cheese, boy? I like cheese." This is my recollection of it, inaccurate as it may be.

April 24: I answer Steve's 5-point email with a 7-point email, addressing each of his questions or statements in order. In response to "I like cheese," I write, "Of course you like cheese. Jesus!" Point 6 is then "Of course you like Cheese Jesus." And Point 7: "Please write Cheese Jesus. The lyrics cannot exceed 75 words."
April 25: Steve sends along the lyrics to "Cheese Jesus", totaling 67 words.
May 6: I tell Steve that I woke up with the music to "Cheese Jesus" in my head. I also write (while in the shower) an additional stanza, to give the song a nice two-stanzas-then-chorus-then-two-stanzas-then-chorus structure. My additional stanza jacks the word count to 86, but, as I say in the email, "if you only count Cheese Jesus once, the word count is 74."

So Steve and I got together for a quick three-hour session to lay down the song's basics: a simple drum track, a simple keyboard track and about five vocal tracks. When I came up with the music (on May 6), I had imagined the song as an a capella tune. But in the intervening days, I moved away from that idea, wisely I think. We might end up calling the song "Cheesus," if we find that funnier.

It was at the end of this session that Steve tallied up the Mustardy songs in the works on his computer, informing me that we now have 14 songs in various stages of disrepair. If we are organized about it, I feel confident we can have another album by this time next year. Maybe even sooner. But probably not sooner. We're lazy like that.

UPDATE: (re: word count) I forgot that I added two words to the lyrics. And upon recounting, it appears that the lyrics hit the target of 75 exactly, provided you only count the chorus once and the phrase "cheese Jesus" once.

Happy Dancing Children

2008-05-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

Last night I was having a few beers with a couple of friends, and once again learned that "Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China" has a strange effect on children. My friend, Dale, urged me to market the CD to "soccer moms everywhere," because his two kids (6 and 4 I think) were crazy in love with Bobby and the Chuxx. He said it was the best way to keep them entertained in the car. High praise when there is a DVD option involved.

He couldn't remember many specifics, but once again "Frank Has No Pants" was identified as a particular favorite of young children. I am not sure there is good reason to be proud of that, but for my part I am quite proud. And I think having the whole family sit down and listen to the Chuxx might be a great way for parents to open up that difficult conversation about whether children should or should not talk to strange men who are naked from the waist down. It is just so hard to decide who children should trust.

Parents could also hold family meetings to listen to "Herr Germy," and discuss the importance of vigorous hand washing before supper. Other important lessons regarding picnicing with fat men, real estate, preparation of pork chops, due diligence in bartering with Arabs, how to pick up Asian chicks, and the history of human waste disposal can all be illustrated by listening to Bobby and the Chuxx as a family.

So let us reconsider our sales strategy, and begin to aggressively market the Chuxx to children. Let us not permit the tobacco companies to corner that market.

Next Chuxx Album Proposal

2008-04-24T13:55:00.000-07:00

Bobby and the Chuxx Presents
Family Choice Brand Popular Music Album
Featuring your family’s favorite music selections.
1. Song.
2. Sad Song.
3. “Rock – ‘n’ – Roll” ‘Song.’
4. Funny Song.
5. Kids’ Favorite Song.
6. Stupid Emo-Sounding Song.
7. Neil Diamond Cover.
8. Neil Diamond Rip-Off.
9. Dad’s Hooker (is Mom).

Nebraska, Alaska

2008-04-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

A quick Google search reveals the location of the real KSUP Steve wrote about in the last post. There is a KSUP, but it's not in the continental United States. Also, it is not a TV station.

KSUP is Juneau, Alaska's "maximum music" station, Mix 106. Less than a year ago, it changed from a rock format (when it was "maximum rock" appropriately) to the Adult Top 40 station it is today.

It is unclear whether they have a "girl in sports." But they do have The Morning Brew with Mike Lane and Rockin' Ron Davis. After that, there's not much info to add. Their website is very sad and seems as if it was designed in 1995.

(Catch) The Spirit (of 17)

2008-04-14T15:11:00.000-07:00

Skap and I worked on music for some lyrics I wrote. for a parody of a 1980s television station jingle. It's called "(Catch) The Spirit (of 17)" and is for the fictional KSUP, South Central Nebraska's Super 17.

(Catch) The Spirit (of 17)
For KSUP, Super17
By Schwa

There’s a certain kind of feeling
You get when you turn us on
It’s a fresh, familiar reeling
And you know it can’t be wrong

Catch the spirit!

We’ve an integrated anchor team
Bringing you the news
But we’re American as ice cream
As comfy as comfy shoes

Catch the spirit
You know you gotta
Catch the spirit

Not just stories of people who died
We’re more than glum reports
Come and see our fun side
We even got a girl in sports

(Girl in Sports Bridge)

Cast aside your doubts ol’ bean
Forget about being unsure
You’re infected with the Spirit of Seventeen
For which there is no cure

Catch the spirit
You know you gotta
Catch the spirit
The Spirit of Seventeen

Catch the spirit
You better
Catch the spirit
The Spirit of Seventeen

Copyright 2008, SchwaSongs

The music is typically schmaltzy and somewhat pat, until you get to the Girl in Sports Bridge, which is in 5/4 time. It's designed to break up the standard feel to the song, and Skap added a little vocal call that makes it absolutely hilarious. Can't wait for Jeff and Jon to add their parts. Should be fun.

Russell's Private Headquarters

2008-04-13T18:21:00.000-07:00

Skap and I got together yesterday to record a couple of things. We laid out the basic keyboard track for "(Catch the Spirit) The Spirit (of 17)," which I will discuss in a separate post.

While working on that song, Skap remarked on a picture I had on my Mac's desktop. It was of my son inside a little ring of sand on the beach in Sand Diego. I explained that it was Russell's Private Headquarters, something my daughter thought up and made for her brother to sit in. Skap thought that might make a great Chuxx song title. I agreed, and we discussed it a little bit at lunch. Our initial ideas are about a spy who get irritated because every time he returns home from a mission, the milk has spoiled, the made cleaned up his desk, and the gun rack is dusty.

We finished the basic tracks for "(Catch the Spirit) The Spirit (of 17)," and what happened next will tell you a lot about the Chuxx. We were about to mess around with adding a keyboard part to one of the other songs that will be on the next album. I selected a sound on the Mac for Skap, an emulation of a Rhodes Suitcase Mark II. He began playing a Ray Charles-y riff. I added a drum loop and we decided we had the beginnings of "Russell's Private Headquarters." I'll keep you posted as the song develops.

How We Write Songs, Pt. 3

2008-03-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

Thos e. has posted two cogent analyses of how Chuxx songs get written.

Today we follow "Chuxx R&D" in real time (almost).

While we discussed via e-mail what "The Tourist Halts" will ultimately look, sound, and smell like Thos sent this notice, which you would understand if you had about thirty years of background context on Chuxxian Sociology.

"Also, I think YOU can post this on the Chuxxblog. Quit crying your eyes out, drinking your gin out of a jelly jar in the dark in your underwear and DO SOMETHING!!!!"

Which quickly yielded a quatrain of some brilliance from the same source:

You got gin in my peanut butter!
You got peanut butter in my gin!
Two great tastes in one candy bar!
New Reese's Gin Butter Cups!

Stay tuned to see where this goes, if anywhere....

Foz

How We Write Songs, Pt. 2

2008-03-10T12:38:00.000-07:00

While "surfing" these "Internets", I frequently stop at a hilarious site called Engrish.com. And during a recent stop, I came across this image:

And based solely on the phrase "The Tourist Halts", I wrote these lyrics:

THE TOURIST HALTS
--thos e

The tourist halts
Stops in the rain
He stares at nothing, frozen in his place
The tourist wonders
If that was all there is
To the Vatican

The tourist halts
Stares at the face
The smiling face everyone makes such a fuss about
The tourist ponders
Just what the deal might be
About this Lisa chick

Back home
In Atchison, Kansas
Living rooms are carpeted in shags
And back home
In Geronimo, Texas
Mailboxes are painted like flags

The tourist halts
And shakes his head
It seems he got off the bus for a bunch of nothing
The tourist frowns
And looks with disdain
At a stupid pile of rocks

Back home
In Stockton, California
Beer hats are sold in all shops
And back home
In Absecon, New Jersey
Squirrels are dressed up like cops

The tourist halts
Stays in his room
Pretends he’s already gone down to join the group
The tourist sighs
And counts the colored paper
Stuffed into his wallet

© 10 March 2008 Those Chuxx Songs (ASCAB)

Get Me Zamenhof!

2008-01-31T07:43:00.000-08:00

So there's this site called MyHeritage.com, which has on it this really cool tool. All you do is scan in a picture of yourself and it will analyze your face and tell you who you look like. I won't go into detail about who it said I look like (let's just say if Burt Reynolds and Dakota Fanning had a baby, it might look a little like me), but I would like to share that site's thoughts on our Mr. Poorluck.

What I find funniest is not that Poorluck looks 50% like Halle Berry or 49% like Grace Jones. It's that this program thinks Poorluck only looks 50% like famous economist John Maynard Keynes, who (at least in the photo they provide) appears to look EXACTLY like Poorluck. Even down to the hat. But he's only at 50%, where Billy Idol, who isn't wearing a hat, is at 63%, just edging out Constantine I of Greece, who at least has a mustache.

Poor Ann Kok, whoever she is, to be thrown into this motley crew. Oh, and Zamenhof? Who might he be? Why, he invented Esperanto, the 19th Century's favorite make-believe language!

Our Story So Far

2007-12-24T21:23:00.000-08:00

The songs currently in production for Mustardy (tent.):
"Her Grandfather, The Robert Frost of Korea"
"Bellydancing Superstars"
"Bad Croissant"
"With Drunk Astronauts"
"Mustardy Fanfare"
"Bo Neaubeaux, the Oboe Hobo"

The songs in the pipeline (in contention):
"Kaiser Gorilla"
"Grandpa Grub"
"Detective Ted"
"Keep That Sun in Your Eyes"
"Gourds Last Forever"
"Piltdown Man/Sundog"
"Santa's a Big Fat Creep"
"Happy Slapping"
"Man Made Man-Made Man"

We'll see if we can't knock this album out in 18 months or so.

Mustardy Day Two

2007-12-23T22:22:00.000-08:00

Day Two of The Mustardy Sessions began with horrible weather in the forecast. Not a huge problem, unless one of the band members is driving 35 miles to the session. Which, in fact, was exactly the case. But freezing rain (turning to sleet, turning to snow) could not deter Jon from making it to the first full Chuxx session of this new album.

We began by playing Jon the tracks we had laid down on Saturday, and then launched into adding instruments to "Bellydancing Superstars". Jon came up with a guitar line loosely (or maybe not so loosely) based on "Jamie's Crying" that actually works really well with the Eastern groove of the song. Skap added some violin (keyboard) and ukulele (the Chuxx new favorite instrument). I added a real bass (replacing the MIDI bass of the scratch track) and some slightly Emerson-ian organ.

Around time for lunch (Culver's Butterburgers...quite delicious) came the conversation of what to do: do we keep laying down rough tracks for other songs or do we try to finish at least one track. We were a little split on this issue, but came to an agreement that as we moved forward, we would try to finish a song or two for each session we got together. But that wasn't necessary in this first session as we were just getting the project off the ground.

That said, we came pretty close with "Bellydancing Superstars", I think. Other than some backing vocals, I'm not sure what else we need.

After lunch, we were visited by Bill Biggar (hopefully spelled right here) and his two nephews, who happen to be HUGE fans of the new album. Their favorite song? "Che Gusto." Go figure. So they sat in and watched while I laid down a scratch vocal track on "Her Grandfather, The Robert Frost of Korea" and while Jon tried out a lead guitar line during that same song's bridge.

Once that was done, we decided to take advantage of Bill's deep voice and the two kids in attendance by having them record wild lines for a so far unwritten song titled "Grandpa Grub." It's a touching story about the wily old grandpa who comes to babysit, but the parents aren't too wild about it. What with him letting the kids play under the sink and "washing down" their vegetables with tablespoons of bourbon.

At least, that's what the song seems to be about now...in our heads. We'll see what happens when Skap and Steve actually write the music and lyrics.

And So It Begins...

2007-12-20T17:27:00.000-08:00

As Jon was not able to join us (what with having to work for money and all that), Steve and Skap and I got together to start laying the groundwork for the new album: so far called Mustardy. With that being the front-runner for new album title, these holiday sessions have been dubbed "The Mustardy Sessions."

So today we worked on "Bad Croissant" (which I had the rough tracks recorded for already), "With Drunk Astronauts" (lyrics by me that were put to music by Skap) and Bellydancing Superstars (about which I've already written).

Since the music for "Bad Croissant" and "Bellydancing Superstars" was more or less done, all we really did was add a scratch vocal to the tracks. It was "With Drunk Astronauts" that we had to build from the ground up, laying down rough keyboard and drum tracks and then some vocals.

We were side-tracked for a half-hour or so when we decided to record a random keyboard part Skap came up. The syncopation of the riff completely eluded us and after 35 minutes of trying to put it accurately into the computer, we gave up and dubbed the riff "Skap's Insanity Music."

There are two other songs pretty much ready to be put on this album that we did not work on today, namely "Her Grandfather, The Robert Frost of Korea" (which I wrote based on a true incident my wife lived through) and something Skap and Steve concocted now called "Mustardy Fanfare."

We may try to lay down some basic tracks for "Kaiser Gorilla" on Saturday or we may just try to finish as much of these songs as we can.

We'll let you know.

How We Write Songs

2007-12-17T08:57:00.000-08:00

In a nutshell, here's the genesis of one of the songs we're planning on putting on the next Chuxx. This one's called "Bellydancing Superstars" and it began on March 6th with this email to Steve.

There's a live music venue a few blocks from our house that used to be a movie theater. It's called the El Rey. And when we drove by it last night it had the best marquee ever.

Bellydancing Superstars

In big letters. It was the only thing on the marquee.

And I thought, "Now, THAT'S the name of the new album." And my plan was to go home and grab my camera to shoot a picture of it. But when we drove by it later, they had changed the marquee.

So sad.

Steve's reply that same day: Standby for a drum part for an instrumental called Bellydancing Superstars. Skap also replied that day, with his thought that "Bellydancing Superstars" sounded like a new reality show, one which Emmitt Smith would certainly win.

Two days later, Steve sent the rough drum part along, to which I added bass and doctored a little bit so that it had room for singing in the verses and chorus. So on March 13, I sent Steve the doctored version, which now sorta sounded like a song. (These are the things we can do electronically now that there's the interwebs.)

By March 15th (the Ides of March, naturally), the rough music to the song was finished, even though Steve and I had not even been in the same room or on the phone.

On a side note, the lyrics to the song -- the only part that doesn't require elaborate computer programs or emailing at all -- are still not done.

Onward and...er...Onward!

2007-12-08T21:56:00.000-08:00

In about 11 days, the Chuxx will reconvene in Kansas City to begin work on our 19th album, which is (so far) unnamed. There is a motion on the floor to call the album Mustardy -- as in...

"We biked through Mustardy to get some real mustard, not that yellow baby shit they sell to American tourists in Dijon."

Thanks to Skap for that brilliant usage of the word in a sentence. We've never had a single-word title, so that makes it an alluring title to us. I'm sorta partial to The Usual Underwear & Bibles or A Planned Moose in Sweden. But Mustardy would be okay with me too.

Our attempt with Album #19 is to finish it by Xmas 2008...or Summer 2008 by the latest. We'll see how we do. I've got about a dozen songs pretty much ready to go for this album already. So, if we stay focused and fairly organized, we should be able to accomplish it.

More updates to come...

Two on Tunes

2007-11-27T13:59:00.001-08:00

As of today, Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China is available on iTunes. So now there's like twice as many songs available for that mystery person to download. Perhaps he or she (or "it", if he/she is a robot or a monster), will find another song to enjoy. Or perhaps you will. After all, what's 99 cents in Internet dollars anyway? It's probably less than one percent of your monthly porn budget! It's a bargain!

Thank You, Mystery Person

2007-11-25T08:42:00.000-08:00

Someone has finally downloaded a Chuxx song off iTunes. Randomly enough (as I'm sure that's how the song and band were chosen), the song downloaded was "Uncle Wheezer's Pure Oxygen Breathing Apparatus for the Masses."

Whoever you are, person who spent 99 cents on our music, thank you very kindly. If you ever stumble across this blog, please drop us a comment. We might very well write a song about you. A song of thanks. A song of praise. A Hosannah of sorts. In fact, that might be the title of the song, "A Hosannah of Sorts."

Poorluck Has Arrived!

2007-11-24T07:46:00.000-08:00

America has waited long enough! Our 37 fans have been more than patient and now that fateful day is finally here! The Chuxx have finally released their 18th album, Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China. You can buy it now at CDBaby.com. Sixteen action-packed songs including: Four songs called "Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China"! One awesome version of a '70s game show theme! Seven different languages! One song about eggs! One song about food poisoning! Two heartfelt tales of love! One song about madness! And one mention of the word "sphincter"!

Is that all you get with the album? Of course not! There's so much more! There's gratuitous use of exclamation points! There's baby's crying! There's singing and music playing! Also, there is a scary hidden track. (No exclamation point necessary.)

Be the first, and therefore coolest, person on your block to own what might be the greatest album ever recorded!!!

This Blog

2007-10-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

I think the blog is going very well so far.

Get Yer Ringtones!

2007-08-16T08:53:00.001-07:00

You can find three interesting ringtones/alerts for your portable electronic telephone here.

Now on iTunes!

2007-07-30T20:12:00.001-07:00

Tell your friends! Alert the media! But most importantly download a song or two!

Waking President Wahid by Bobby and the Chuxx is now available on iTunes!

You could be the first to download a song! You could be the first to add a review explaining the unmitigated joy this album brings you....and exactly how often that joy overwhelms you! Whichever the case: You should be a part of this, don't you think?

Who gave the order to start Bloggin'?

2007-07-19T16:25:00.000-07:00

Blogging is for dorks!

Make Blog Go Now!

2007-07-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

Well I have never kept a blog, nor do I normally respond to blogs except to post naked pictures of myself.

But here goes..

YOU'RE ALLA BUNCH OF IDIOTS!!! YOUR ARGUEMENTS ARE SO MORONIC THEY FALL OF THEIR OWN DEad weiGHT!!!!

I USED TO THINK YOU WERE SORT OF SMART BUT NOW YOU HAVE LOST ALL CREDITBILITY WITH ME!!!!!

YOU HYPOCRITES!!!!!!

I AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE.

I think that's how a blog goes.

Skap

I'm blogging ... right now

2007-07-13T21:32:00.000-07:00

I'm all over it.

Welcome

2007-07-13T08:39:00.001-07:00

We may not exactly need this blog, but it might be nice for all of us to be able to make posts on the latest things we're working. We would aim it toward the public rather than toward each other. Is there a public for the Chuxx? Maybe.

Let's try it and see what happens.

For the Next Album

2007-03-24T09:44:00.000-07:00

Here's a trio of songs I'm working on right now. All three are about 90% there musically and only 7% lyrically. But they're each good candidates for whatever the next album might be called.

"Bad Croissant" -- A woozy tourist who can't really speak the language fears he might have eaten something bad for him.
"Detective Ted" -- Long discussed by the band, this idea has been threatening to become an actual Chuxx song for more than a decade. It tells the story of a detective who's best known for his tiny head.
"Her Grandfather, The Robert Frost of Korea" -- Based on a true story (told by my wife of international travel and mild discomfort.

Album Update #4

2007-01-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

We have officially finished recording POORLUCK. In a dramatic two-day session in the closing days of '06, we recorded the last two "Poorlucks" (mine and Jon's) and added the finishing touches to Skap's "Poorluck." Amazingly, we finished all we set out to do in our limited time. It was very gratifying.

Now, we mix and we design the cover. And then we release it into the world.

It really is the best Chuxx album yet. I know we say that everytime. But this time it's really true.

Album Update #3

2006-12-04T09:30:00.000-08:00

MR. POORLUCK BUYS SOME CHINA:the state of the album address.

FINISHED SONGS
"Free Shoe Inside"
I thought it would be funny to write a title track to an album we'd already recorded. And "Free Shoe Inside" seemed like the least likely title for a love song possible. So that's exactly what I wrote. This was the first song we laid down for POORLUCK, and we very nearly lost the track in a computer crash.

"Baby Madness"
This song was originally recorded just by Skap and Steve, with Polly adding some vocals. Skap had come down from Chicago and he and Steve goofed around with Steve's new computer setup. This is the only track from that session that actually sounded like a song. Over Thanksgiving, we added a guitar part and some "baby scat." We had previously completed this song, but some of the tracks had been lost in the Great Computer Crash of '03.

"Herr Germy"
This is vintage Skap -- one of his best. And then, on top of that, while mixing this song down, Jon and Steve worked some magic. "Germy" was already a sort of odd spin on ELO's "Mr. Blue Sky," but Jon and Steve found some hilarious sonic touches that still make me laugh. It's a classic. And contains the refrain of "Gooby!" which, as god is my witness, I can't remember the origin of.

"Belly"
It's about a guy who's so big that he offers his girth as a picnic site and a pool toy. "Belly" also features some very broken German -- a translation of the chorus that I didn't even crack a dictionary for. After nearly a year of being halfway done, I think we've finally found the right mix and added all the appropriate parts.

"Che Gusto"
Back in 2001, a doctor in Seattle came up with the theory that Mozart died of food poisoning, specifically trichinosis. This doctor points to a letter that Mozart wrote to his wife 44 days before his death, in which he said: "What do I smell?... pork cutlets! Che Gusto (What a delicious taste). I eat to your health." Steve came across the story on "the Internets" and decided we should write a song about it. Amazingly, we didn't title the song after the title of the article: Pork Chop Killed Mozart. Wendy and Polly add vocals. It was after this session that we gave Wendy the "Chuxx name" (an anagram of her actual name) of Moxy Newd-Luney.

"On Mars"
The inspiration for this song began in 1989, when then-VP Dan Quayle said this: "Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." I've always loved that qoute. Musically, I drew from other Mars-related sources. The bass line, especially during the guitar solo, is derived from a song called "Martian Crawler" (I think) that my bass teacher Rick Huyett taught me a thousand years ago. I can't even remember whose song it was. I also threw in "Mars, Bringer of War" by Holst for good measure.

"Bert's Grape"
Driving down Cahuenga Boulevard in Hollywood one day, I caught a glimpse of the words "Bert's Grape" on a sign. The melody and opening lines immediately popped into my head and I sang them to myself, not really knowing where the song might go after "Why won't Bert just eat Bert's Grape?" Only then did I notice that the sign actually read "Bert's Garage." Months later in Kansas City, I came up with the rest of the lyrics while sitting in a Nazarene church after my niece Sarah Jane was "dedicated." I wrote the lyrics during the sermon, on the backs of two collection envelopes. A few hours later, I was in Steve's basement singing them into a microphone.
Ukulele - Skap
Low keyboard, shaker, tambourine - Jeff

"Wendy & Lizzie Are in Love Again!"
While at my future in-laws house during the summer/fall of 2004, I started goofing around on their piano. Looking over at my fiancee for inspiration, I saw that she and her little sister Lizzie were sitting in the same chair. So, I started singing, "Wendy and Lizzie are in love again! It's unnatural, but it works for them!" I didn't really have any idea how the verse might go, so I just kept refining the chorus by playing it over and over again, which both Wendy and Lizzie seemed to enjoy. It was Wendy, I recall, who recommended I actually record the song. Luckily Steve had a little time free, when we were in Kansas City in early December that year. So Wendy and I recorded the piano and vocal parts in a couple of hours and then left. Later, Steve added the drums, strings and chimes. An entire year later, I completed the song with a bass line and tambourine.
Strings, chimes - Steve
Piano, tambourine - Jeff
Vocals - Moxy Newd-Luney

"Frank's Got No Pants"
Over Thanksgiving 2005, I spent three consecutive days at Casa de los Revares. On each of those days, I saw the four Revare children: Virginia, Graham, Frank and Henry. And at no time did I see Frank in anything but a shirt. He was, as my sister called it, Porky-Piggin' it. While waiting for Jon to arrive, Skap started goofing around on the ukulele. I quickly picked up the bass, and Steve found an appropriate drum sequence. By the time Jon arrived (less than an hour later), we had the song recorded. Just like the good old days of the Chuxx.

"C.N. Reilly Doesn't BLANK Women"
One of the band's favorite game show themes is given some new lyrics. Similar to our earlier remake of a TV show theme (namely "The Odd Couple"), I found the bass line was the coolest part of the song. Gotta love those mid-'70s session players. I go back and forth on this song, between thinking it's funny and interesting enough to be on the album and thinking it still needs a little something. I guess I'm in the minority though. The rest of the band seems to get a kick out of this track, so there ya go.

"(What's So Funny 'Bout) The Royal Sanitary Engineer"
Some clever editing in the ol' computatin' machine and Steve and I saved this tune from the scrap heap. We had lost the original files of this song and had to make due with our rough mix. We chopped out a slow section and added a few vocals and sound effects and voila! The hilarity of Skap's song shines. Perfumed whores and fishwives indeed!

UNFINISHED SONGS
"Bo Neaubeaux, the Oboe Hobo"
The title was dreamed up during a Chuxx Vegas weekend, by Jon and Steve in the airport, if I remember correctly. Then Jon worked up the lyrics, taking a few liberties with the true story of a street musician in Lawrence, KS. Needs a new lead vocal track.

"Eat Egg"
Just needs a new remix, I think. We may have gotten too tricky for the simplicity of this song. The inspiration for this song came from a hilarious piece on McSweeney's where 14-year-old Japanese students were asked to fill in the blanks of the following sentence: "In the future, I want to be... because..." And one of the answers was: "In the future, I want to be...eat egg. Because...eat egg." Genius.

"Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China (Skap)"
This may be Skap's best song ever. And that's on an album full of great Skap songs. Jon and I need to add our parts to the song, but quite frankly, it sounds pretty close to being done to me. One of the greatest choruses ever.

"Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China (Steve)"
This is the biggest departure on the album. Steve really channeled his inner modern teenager in creating this multi-lingual house party track. Mostly this song just needs a remix.

Album Update #2

2006-11-24T09:26:00.000-08:00

Sadly, in the last 11 months, we've only moved forward slightly toward finishing POORLUCK. We still have a couple songs to remix, a couple to add some tracks to and two songs yet to record. I may try to get to KC to lay down my version of "Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China", but because of my work schedule, I may not be able to get back until March. Either way, I'm thinking we can finish the album and have it out by late Spring. I haven't mentioned this to the other guys yet. But it feels like it's do-able.

Album Update

2005-12-12T09:24:00.000-08:00

As of this writing, Bobby & the Chuxx are about 75% finished with their latest effort, their 18th album, Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China.

Over Thanksgiving, the Chuxx added the final touches to a couple songs ("Baby Madness" & "Wendy & Lizzie Are in Love Again"), completely recorded some brand new songs ("Eat Egg," "Frank's Got No Pants" & "Bert's Grape") and partially completed one other ("Beau Neaubeaux, the Oboe Hobo"). All things considered, it was a productive three days.

Most importantly, it brought us ever closer to finishing the album. All that's left to do is record the title track...oh, did I mention? There's four versions of the song "Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China." Independent of one another, we've each written a song with that title. We'll see how they all sound. As of right now, there's no plan to distinguish the titles from one another -- each will just be titled "Mr. Poorluck Buys Some China."

But that may change before the album is actually finished.

Magic Stairway

1983-07-17T09:17:00.000-07:00

While walking down the stairs into Steve's basement, I got a flash of inspiration, a bass line just popped into my head. So before we even started recording, I was sitting on the couch in the basement writing out the lyrics to the song I just thought of: "At the Stock Exchange."

Moments later, we were recording it. It's probably the fastest birth of a song (at least for us) on record. Who knows, it probably stinks, but it seems sorta catchy.

My Drink

1981-05-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

Went over to Jeff's after class. Hung out in his room for awhile. Went to Smaks. Had some trouble with my drink. Man, am I hungry!

Probably hang out at Jon's tomorrow. He's got a new Elvan thief with, like, 21 dexterity!

An interesting night...

1977-11-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

After dinner at Smak's last night (Hickory Burger, thank you very much), the folks took me by the Toon Shop to knock around. I bought a pair of new drum sticks to replace the ones I broke trying to free a Frisbee from the pin oak in our front yard.

My dad asked me to look at the drum sets and tell him which one I liked. I picked out a 5-pc set of RedSparklerz®. It came with an extra cymbal but no throne. It is a BEAUT! All red and sparkly. I sat down and played a few paradiddles and the sound was terrific. The bass drum pedal squeaked a little, but I'm sure a little WD-40 would take care of that easily enough.

They didn't buy the set. We stopped by Zarda Dairy for some butter brickle ice cream and no one said anything about the RedSparklerz®.

Makes me wonder if my folks might be trying to get me to ask for the drum set for Christmas instead of that new Atari game console.

Seems like a dirty trick to me.

I bought an album

1977-08-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

Man! I wore out my favorite red white and blue tank top. Where will I get another one? They will never make American flag-themed clothing again now that the Bicentennial is over.

I cut Mrs. Lipp's lawn today. Used my $6.00 to buy my first record album, The Eagles "Hotel California."

How awesome is that? Wait. Do kids say "awesome" yet? Like other kids, I crave popularity among my peers. How embarrassing.

In Trouble

1973-06-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

Mom's mad at me. I took apart our little toy organ. You know, the kind with the air pump in it, and after you push down a key it takes a moment or two before the note actually plays. Well, I wanted to see how it worked, so I took it apart.

All I did was take it apart and put it right back together. Honest.

But it didn't work afterwards. I don't know what the big deal is. It's not like you could actually use an organ like that in a band or anything.

Oh well.

I'm taking a break from G.I. Joe

1970-12-19T05:13:00.000-08:00

I know most of us are only 5, but let's get a band together in about 12 years.